Toddlers are A**holes

I think there's a book that already exists by that title.

It has been a while since last post.  Probably because there's an inverse relationship between free time and toddler mobility.  That, and I stare at screens way too much every day between work and wasting time on my phone.  I'm working on curbing the latter.  There can't be much benefit in climbing up the Candy Crush ladder.

E is his own little person.  Or, more accurately, a big personality in miniature form.  He wants what he wants, and is very verbal about it.  Lucky for us, his verbal communication has evolved from grunts, squeals, cries and babbles to words!  I wouldn't consider them sentences yet, but the point gets across.

"More, please!"
"More orange, please!"
"Daddy sit here." <pats spot>
"Mum mum time!"
"Bathtime, YAY!"
"Alright!" or "Nice!"  <when he does something he's proud of, patting himself on the back, basically>

He also understands everything.  I swear.  He really does.  He will be two next month, and everyone asks, "What can I get him?"  It's hard between Christmas and his birthday being so close together.  With all the hand-me-downs and generous family friends and grandparents, we're fortunate to have an abundance of toys and clothes.  But there is one thing he could use, and it's a hearing aid to correct the selective hearing he has.

Tonight at dinner, he was spitefully flinging food about and playing with his food, EXTRA messy, and deliberate.  I warned him, to no avail, and so he sat there with nothing on his tray.  No problem though, because then he proceeded to hit the high chair tray and kick his feet against its footrest creating a ruckus.  "All done mommy.  All done!  All done!"

"That's great.  But I'm not done yet."

I guess I could have excused him but G wasn't home yet and I can't see through walls :)

In the bath, he poured water OUT of the tub with an evil Chuckie smile watching me the whole time.

He kicked me the entire time on the changing table while I struggled to put Aquaphor on him, then his pajamas.

I'll tell you, I wanted to lose my sh*t and start yelling, but he doesn't respond to that.  I signed up for a parenting webinar, naively looking for the magic bullet.  That's tomorrow.  I can only hope, right?