Moo Operating

I'm supposed to be doing breast compressions while pumping, but why do that when it's so much more fun to be writing and doodling?

Remember that song "Smooth Operator" by Sade that came out back in 1984?  If not, pretend you do for my sake and emphatically nod.  And please keep your comments to yourself because it's depressing to hear, "Oh, I wasn't born yet!" or, "I was just <single digit> years old then!"

Skip to 1:15 for the chorus.  That's it.

And, that is my pumping anthem.  Except it's "Moo Operator", thank-you-very-much.

How do you...?

My friend offered to take me to a local La Leche League meeting.  This is a group of breastfeeding moms who provide support to one another because let's face it, nursing is no joke.  You can read all the books you want, but I think someone needs to show you how to get a proper latch.

I was hesitant to go given my struggles with breastfeeding.  I had actually given up at that point.  But that's a story for another day.

As it turns out, LLL is a support group for all things mom related.  I thought I would be the outcast and surrounded by militant breastfeeding hippie moms still nursing their 10 year old kiddos.  Nope, nothing like that.

There's usually a discussion topic to guide the group.  This time, it was drawing a random question, then going around the room reading and answering it and getting input from others.  I fold my square and read, "How do you sleep?"

Really?  I don't.  In fact, I took the day off so I COULD sleep ... meaning that the baby was in day care ALL day so I could do this!  (I'm a terrible mother!)

So, we go around the room.  Someone reads, "How do you go to the bathroom?"  In my mommy-brain fog, I wonder why that is even a question.  I mean, you go into the bathroom, do your business, wash your hands and you are out, right?

Oh wait.  I have a baby.  Some of these moms have toddlers.  Some of these moms have toddlers AND a baby.  One mom says, "It's the worst!  You know, there's a special box at the perfect level for a toddler to touch in the women's stalls..."

Ew.  Hadn't considered that.  Maybe because my mind jumped to the conclusion that any excursion out of the house long enough to necessitate a diaper bag is just too much effort so it isn't happening.  It's easy to be home where everything you need is at hand.  So my answer to that question is this:  Never leave the house.

The questions kept coming.

How do you get groceries?
Um, one of us runs out when we can see the back of the refrigerator and we have eaten McDonald's way too many days in a row because that's the only convenient drive-thru option around here?  I considered the grocery delivery service, but come on, are they really going to give me the good bananas and apples?  I think not.

How do you cook?
Only on the weekend.  It is exhausting.  Or, we don't and eat McDonald's.  Or Dominos.  Does ramen count as cooking?

How do make room for intimacy?
...zzz...wait, what was the question?  I think I just fell asleep in my chair.  'Nuff said.

How do you go on dates?
We don't.  I think I just typed that in my sleep.

How do you do chores?
Pick up here and there for a little bit while one of us puts the baby to bed.  Have the cleaning crew come 1x/month.  Take turns for out of the house errands and try to go to a superstore to knock it out.  Another option is this:  stop looking closely.

The questions went on.  There were at least twenty of them.  It occurred to me that even after several months, I really do not have a good handle on this baby gig.  I felt completely run ragged and flummoxed.  There was absolutely no way I could maintain my old life plus my new life with baby and some things, well, need to fall on the floor.

At least, that's how it feels to me right now.  That I'm inadequate and can't keep up like these super moms in my imagination.  The truth is that it's simply a matter of priority.  I need to learn to live with the fact that the house is going to be cluttered, and that pile of magazines and mail will sit there for a while, and those dirty dishes will make it into the dishwasher (eventually) only to be pulled out for reuse again once cleaned.  Putting dishes away?  WHO has time for that?  Same with laundry.

This is SO not me.  Not me at all.

The answers to every single question are completely different when you have a baby.  I thought it would be easier when I considered it well before a baby was even a possibility, but I assumed I would have the same energy level as I did then.  You know, when I was sleeping in all the time, working out all the time and spending my whole weekend researching and preparing healthy food for the week.  Now, everything I do outside of caring for my baby has a cost.  And you know what that is?

SLEEEEEEP!!!!  And that includes writing this blog post.  Good night!

Art Project

This is the first piece of infant artwork we got from day care.  Each month has a theme,  and this one was The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle.  You know, the childrens book about a...well, hungry caterpillar who eats everything and eventually turns into a butterfly!

Obviously the babies are too young to know what's going on, so the teachers take care of the art (and mess!).

We put it aside.  I'll make a folder for art stuff.

Later, I'm at the changing table going through bedtime routine, which means diaper, Eucerin, essential oils then finally, a onesie.  It takes a while, and the worst part is handling a greasy baby who wants to writhe off the table!  While covering him in the ointment  (he has very dry skin), I do a once over and notice big toe looks a bit odd, as in, extra pink and tender around the nail bed.  Could it be infected?

So, I do the logical thing and poke his toenail.  He doesn't respond.  Maybe if I squeeze the toe a little? Still no response.  Ok, not infected...but what on EARTH is it then?

It occurred to me later that it was just a slight remnant of the red paint from the art project!  Whew!

#paranoidnewmom #chickenlittle

About My Comics...

I like to draw crappy comics.  They are fast, easy and get the point across.  Folks tell me that they're not crappy.  I actually spent hours on the one you see here because it was our 2014 Christmas card with the caption, "We've been naughty this year."

It started when I was on travel for eight weeks to deliver a product.  There weren't proper provisions to accommodate my team, so I had some time on my hands, an inky black pen and some paper.  Then, I moved onto the iPad.  Here's a quick example:

 

In my case, art reflects life.  And no, I did not shove my travel companion off the edge of a cliff (even though I wanted to at times).

Sometimes, I get fancy.  Like this sad-wich I saw in the parking lot leaving work one day... 

 

My hope is that this blog is sprinkled with comics.  I'm starting to realize that parenting and motherhood provides some pretty good fodder.

Empathy, Part II (Post Partum)

Before Ethan, I'm pretty sure I was one of those self entitled snarky yuppies quick to judge others and definitely cursing my luck when sitting at the gate observing families with babies and young children about to board my flight.  That's right, my flight.

The first time we left the house with Ethan, it took ONE hour to make it out the door.  That was due to lack of experience.  We are much better at it now, but even so, there's always something that happens.  A quick diaper change before leaving the house results in pee getting on my shirt.  A quick feeding before we go results in spit up.  I realize that his extra change of clothes no longer fit, and I didn't refill the bag with diapers or bibs from our last outing.  Not to mention the bottles in case there's a hunger meltdown!

It's easy now.  Baby.  Diaper bag.  Bottles.  Snap in/out infant car seat, and car seat stroller frame.  As long as we have those items, we're good to go.  Yet, it still seems hard and I'm not inclined to go on outings even though we have a content immobile infant.  Are we squandering this opportunity?  What am I afraid of?

It's not that.  The logistics are easy, at least, for local outings.  And, as long as we're together.  But a task like going to the grocery with just me and baby?  (He hates the carrier.) Or, running in to pick up the take out?  There's no such thing as "quick" anymore.  Even a diaper change outside of the house takes forever.  And my child is immobile!!

Here's a nod of respect for those families with young children and babies.  It takes effort to put yourself in someone else's shoes when you can't relate to their situation.  But, when their situation is a lot closer to home, that changes everything.  Before baby, travel meant one small duffel carry on for each of us.  Now?  Car seat and base, stroller frame, pack and play (maybe), diaper bag contents and then some, plus the stuff we need.  More time, more effort, more variables including things that are out of your control.

I'm now part of the universal bond of parenthood.  Of motherhood.   This makes everything bigger.  Love.  Compassion.  Patience.  Everything matters a whole lot more.

About that screaming infant in the seat in front of yours?  He needs comfort, not criticism.  We're all doing the best we can.

Empathy, Part I (Pregnancy)

We are "those" people now with baby in tow, and it has opened up a whole new perspective. 

My pregnancy, transition to motherhood and three month old son Ethan have changed me in ways I didn't anticipate.  I knew things would be different, but more in terms of activities, work-life balance and time management which fall into day-to-day mechanics.  I did not know that there would also be an emotional shift.

I was put on strict bed rest at 24 weeks into my pregnancy due to complications.  I cried a little every day for several weeks out of fear for the health of my baby and the inadequacy of my body.  I felt at fault for a long time before accepting that things just happen.  Early on, the baby was frank breech and remained in that position which meant a c-section.  I spent hours searching the internet for stories of success and failure, statistics and support groups hoping for the positive, but the negative has a tendency to imprint a little bit deeper.

This happened abruptly.  We went together to my sonogram in the morning with the plan to go to work immediately afterward.  You know, to continue the daily grind until the next appointment.  That didn't happen.  After a hit and run at the office to grab a few things and put up an out-of-office message, that was it.  My world changed.  Grant's world changed.  Just like that.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I was done.  Done until the end, however that would turn out.

Then, the unexpected occurred.  There was an outpouring of support from friends, family, acquaintances and coworkers.  Everything from cards, calls, emails, sending gifts to keep me entertained, setting up MealTrain to coordinate sending food, cooking food here, cooking food and bringing it over to dine together, workday lunch visits, weekend drop-ins, extended visits, housework and chores that required running around, taking me to essential appointments, helping with home emergencies and emotional support 24/7. 

To make things even more complicated, we had just moved from a condo to a house three days prior.

My baby shower was cancelled.  Guests sent gifts anyway.  Even second degree acquaintances!

When I returned to work, I was surprised with a baby shower in the conference room.  There were bagels, pastries, fresh fruit and beverages including mimosas!  My coworkers were there, even the aloof ones.  They pitched in and presented me with a card full of gift cards.  They were very generous.

The kindness of others had a profound effect on me.  All this was unsolicited, and completely altruistic.  People truly do rise to the occasion in times of difficulty.  Each gesture of kindness regardless of magnitude was so touching.  It mattered deeply and I needed it.  I cried out of happiness because I felt loved, and those are tears worth shedding.

I look forward to opportunities where I can pay it forward, no matter how big or small.