I was hesitant to go given my struggles with breastfeeding. I had actually given up at that point. But that's a story for another day.
As it turns out, LLL is a support group for all things mom related. I thought I would be the outcast and surrounded by militant breastfeeding hippie moms still nursing their 10 year old kiddos. Nope, nothing like that.
There's usually a discussion topic to guide the group. This time, it was drawing a random question, then going around the room reading and answering it and getting input from others. I fold my square and read, "How do you sleep?"
Really? I don't. In fact, I took the day off so I COULD sleep ... meaning that the baby was in day care ALL day so I could do this! (I'm a terrible mother!)
So, we go around the room. Someone reads, "How do you go to the bathroom?" In my mommy-brain fog, I wonder why that is even a question. I mean, you go into the bathroom, do your business, wash your hands and you are out, right?
Oh wait. I have a baby. Some of these moms have toddlers. Some of these moms have toddlers AND a baby. One mom says, "It's the worst! You know, there's a special box at the perfect level for a toddler to touch in the women's stalls..."
Ew. Hadn't considered that. Maybe because my mind jumped to the conclusion that any excursion out of the house long enough to necessitate a diaper bag is just too much effort so it isn't happening. It's easy to be home where everything you need is at hand. So my answer to that question is this: Never leave the house.
The questions kept coming.
How do you get groceries?
Um, one of us runs out when we can see the back of the refrigerator and we have eaten McDonald's way too many days in a row because that's the only convenient drive-thru option around here? I considered the grocery delivery service, but come on, are they really going to give me the good bananas and apples? I think not.
How do you cook?
Only on the weekend. It is exhausting. Or, we don't and eat McDonald's. Or Dominos. Does ramen count as cooking?
How do make room for intimacy?
...zzz...wait, what was the question? I think I just fell asleep in my chair. 'Nuff said.
How do you go on dates?
We don't. I think I just typed that in my sleep.
How do you do chores?
Pick up here and there for a little bit while one of us puts the baby to bed. Have the cleaning crew come 1x/month. Take turns for out of the house errands and try to go to a superstore to knock it out. Another option is this: stop looking closely.
The questions went on. There were at least twenty of them. It occurred to me that even after several months, I really do not have a good handle on this baby gig. I felt completely run ragged and flummoxed. There was absolutely no way I could maintain my old life plus my new life with baby and some things, well, need to fall on the floor.
At least, that's how it feels to me right now. That I'm inadequate and can't keep up like these super moms in my imagination. The truth is that it's simply a matter of priority. I need to learn to live with the fact that the house is going to be cluttered, and that pile of magazines and mail will sit there for a while, and those dirty dishes will make it into the dishwasher (eventually) only to be pulled out for reuse again once cleaned. Putting dishes away? WHO has time for that? Same with laundry.
This is SO not me. Not me at all.
The answers to every single question are completely different when you have a baby. I thought it would be easier when I considered it well before a baby was even a possibility, but I assumed I would have the same energy level as I did then. You know, when I was sleeping in all the time, working out all the time and spending my whole weekend researching and preparing healthy food for the week. Now, everything I do outside of caring for my baby has a cost. And you know what that is?
SLEEEEEEP!!!! And that includes writing this blog post. Good night!
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