Don't Grow Up!!

I did bedtime routine with Ethan last night.  This means undressing him, taking off his diaper, cleaning him up, slathering his entire body with baby Aquaphor to ward off eczema, putting On Guard essential oil on the soles of his feet, and a tiny bit of Breathe on his chest, then saline in the nose and sucking out boogers.  Oh, and then trying to put a sleeper on a now slimy, squirming, screaming baby.

It sounds like he is being murdered.  He screams so loud that there's no way he can hear you.  So, plug the hole!  This means putting the pacifier in, or better yet, the bottle.  His last bottle of the day hopefully...until he wakes up at 3am, ha!

This routine seems like it takes FOREVER, and it did the first couple times, but now it's probably a half hour from start to finish.

And then, the hungry hungry hippo baby sucks down the bottle, then eventually relaxes in my arms and the sucking slows until he's gumming the nipple and then I know he is done.  He may or may not want the pacifier at this point.  And then he starts to drift off.  It's funny because I watch him trying to fight off sleep, but eventually he surrenders to slumber and is secure in mommy's arms.

This is the sweetest moment.  And I always think, "Don't grow up!"  Because there will come a day when he outgrows this.  He is so peaceful when he is sleeping.  I examine his features.  I try to memorize them as best I can.  He has my eyes, my eyebrows and mouth.  When he was born, I saw my eyes staring back at me.  It was bizarre because obviously, I never met him, but he was so familiar.

I don't want to put him down, but I am exhausted.  I need to pump.  He needs to sleep in his crib.  I want to fall asleep with him in my arms in the glider.  (That's a terrible idea!)  I need to sleep.  And then, I carefully get up, walk over to the crib and gently set him down with as much caution as diffusing a time bomb.  Because sometimes that's what it feels like...please sleep so I don't have to do bedtime routine again to settle back in!

Turn on the baby monitor, take another look then quietly close the door.  Now, it's time to prepare for tomorrow.

But you know what?  I always sneak back in to check on him in the middle of the night.  He is the sweetest thing.  And no matter how early it is because you KNOW it is some ungodly hour, a beaming smile spreads across my face when I look at him.