When I was young, I would get birthday cards with cash or checks in them because adults have no idea what to give kids, ever. That was cool though, see, thumbs up!
I had plans, people. PLANS. I had lists of things I wanted starting from…
Wait, what was I saying?
You know that saying about hammers? Like, when you have one, all you see around you are nails? Well, when you have cash money in hand, all you see are things to buy. At least my addled child-like brain was wired that way.
Does it even matter what kinds to things to buy? Nope. Silver platform sneakers? Cool. PEZ dispensers? One for me, one for you. And a Jelly Roll pen, or ten.
But like everything else, things change. Getting birthday cards and gifts is still pretty awesome, but the thought process is not as straightforward. It takes many levels of abstraction to pull away from basic needs like taking care of baby, taking care of baby, showering, taking care of baby. Infinitely more effort to stop converting everything.
"I could get a cup of coffee on my way into work this morning, but that's like, the same thing as 7 diapers."
"I'm kinda having a craving for some Indian food, mmm, yummy chicken tikka masala and saag paneer and garlic naan and rice. So, for about a case of diapers, that works out to maybe 5 or 6 servings if I get an order to carry out…"
"Did you seriously JUST pee into this diaper I JUST put on you?!? <checking for level of dampness> Eh, you're good until the next go around."
Despite the diaper currency converter, there is ONE category where this is never, ever appropriate: services. I will give you the stink eye if you even imply that my pedicure was not worth the almost case of diapers. Or, my haircut (that is in that mess on my head, I promise) at 1.5 boxes, or the massage at 2+ cases of diapers that I am going to schedule soon.
For services contributing to mom-sanity, there is no valid diaper conversion!
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